Friday, December 28, 2012

top ten tuesday: people who can touch it

image via esjot

Okay, getting back to it! One of these days, I'm going to post everything I'm supposed to in the same week. Will it be this week? Meh. Who the hell knows.

SO. Like most people, I have celebrity crushes. A lot of celebrity crushes.

Now, I'm not a floozy. I don't sleep around, and I'm pretty darned selective when it comes to romance. But you know what? There are certain people that I would let touch it without even requiring a first date. Or a drink. Or a hello.

Top Ten People That Could Touch It

Lady Gaga

Now, let me put this out there. I am straight. Very straight. The idea of messing around with another woman's whatnot is not at all my idea of fun. And to be honest, I don't know how you hetero men and lesbians do it, because women are crazy and really scary. And that is coming from a woman who is quite frequently crazy and scary.

However. Lady Gaga could have her way with me any day of the week. I've noticed that all of my "girl crushes" are one very unique, strong, and quite-possibly-batshit-crazy women that most men would steer clear of (Ke$ha, Nicki Minaj, P!nk, etc). However, Gaga has that certain something that really draws me in. She's so bold and fearless and amazing. Also, super hot and never wears pants. Which gives her the honor of being the only lady on my Touch It list.

John Barrowman

Oh, Captain Jack, you naughty, cheeky boy.

One look at John and it's easy to see what one would let him touch it. The man is textbook. Tall, dark, handsome...and gayer than Les Cage aux Folles. Or, as he puts it, "Gold Star Gay."

As if being ridiculously attractive wasn't enough, the man sings like a bird, is a tremendous actor, and is hiiiiiiiiilarious. I had the pleasure of seeing him at a panel at C2E2, and I could not stop giggling. He seems like the nicest guy ever.

And he's pretty. Did I mention he's pretty?


Doctor Who

Question: Which one?

Answer: Yes.

Gerard Butler

God bless Scotland.

Note: No, I do not think he made a good Phantom. He did, however, make a good enough Phantom to bang, and that is what's important. To me. Because I'm shallow. Put Michael Crawford's voice in Gerard's body, and you have me as your naughty slave forever.

Zak Bagans

One of my favorite new traditions when I'm at my parents' house is when my mum, little sister and I all gather to watch DVR'd episodes of Ghost Adventures. We're all suckers for ghost stories (me in particular...I probably checked Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark out of my elementary school library more than the rest of the student body combined).

We're also suckers for ripped men in tight t-shirts. HEYOOOOOOOO.

My shallow is genetic.

Anyhow, Zak, at first glance, while delicious, kind of looks a little Jersey Shore. But he's really not. He seems very down-to-earth, nice, and is funny as hell. Even if he does abuse the words "bro" and "dude" a lot.

Ryan Gosling

Hey girl. I heard you want me to bang you on every surface of your house. Okay, but first, let's play with your multiple cats and knit a Hufflepuff scarf.

George Clooney

The fact that I even have to include The Clooney in this list is an outrage. Every Touch It list includes The Clooney. Because when one sees The Clooney, one should be wordless, and simply hand over one's panties to The Clooney without question.

Robert Downey Jr.

If there's one thing that I can say with certainty, is that I cannot resist a bad boy.

And RDJ is a bad boy.

My favorite thing about the Iron Man film franchise is that Robert is clearly playing himself. And himself is sex.

Johnny Depp

Here's the thing about Mr. Depp. I have a hard time lusting after him sometimes, because I idolize him so much.

Is that weird?

It's like...he's so very much my idol as far as acting goes, that he's almost untouchable.


I'd still hit it.

I'm only human.

Jack Davenport

Oh. Hellooooooooooooo, Commodore.

Jack is just....the trifecta of all things splooshworthy. Tall, witty, handsome, British, talented. And that voice. That voice, you guys. Deep and rumbly and English and just the right sonic pitch to make my panties mysteriously disappear. It's so weird. I'm running out of panties.


  1. Norry time FTW. And how are you liking his portrayal of Derek on 'Smash?' I never really thought he could pull off dickwad, but I was wrong. :p

    1. Right? I even love him as a womanizing cad. I've got it bad.